[Open and Closed] did someone ask for a small crisis of faith

[shepherddain]

WHO: Dain, some closed prompts, and YOU
WHAT: Dain's in a bit of a tailspin and people who have been Worried about the presence of a Shepherd in the village may notice that something is different
WHEN: Now-ish, late January
WHERE: All over

A | Open

For almost two months, Dain was a friendly presence around the village, offering help where needed and cheerful conversation otherwise. Not even the arrival of the soldiers seemed to change that much, particularly when small clashes started occurring and Dain could help smooth some of them over. He always acted more like someone part of the community than someone apart from it, a person who cared and wanted to help.

Something changes that. It's not completely clear what -- it could be the situation where a member of the Watch was publicly flogged, or it could be Sir Theobald of Haguenne and his blindingly golden locks. Whatever the reason, seemingly overnight Dain's behaviour changes; he's more distant, more aloof, more preoccupied. He's more likely to watch than to participate, whether inside the tavern or the chapel or outside in the freezing village streets, keeping apart from others. Unconsciously or not, he acts much more like a Shepherd, only there to observe and nothing more.

This is not to say he stops being Dain. If someone else initiates conversation, he's as friendly as always, lighting up like a switch is flipped. If someone asks for help, he's always happy to give it. But he's rarely the one to initiate anymore.


B | Adhemar

Dain tried to get an early night, in the somewhat vain hope he would get a good night's sleep for once. Perhaps somewhat predictably, it doesn't work. So he gives up on that, wraps himself in coat and scarf, and settles in the chapel's library with some candles and the books.

It's something he used to do, back when he was starting his training and felt like he was going to snap from the mental tension of villifying the Night. He would read, anything and everything related to the Path of Light he could find, after everyone else was asleep, and silently contradict everything he knew to be wrong. It helped, in a counterintuitive sort of way -- not least because the one time he was caught, his instructors had only been impressed by his dedication -- and over the years it became meditative. It's been several months since the last time Dain had this much trouble sleeping, so he takes the first book off the pile and opens it to a random page in the middle, ready to start from whatever passage he lands on.

It doesn't work. Every time he's able to focus, the worry consumes him again.

To an outside observer, it looks like Dain's searching for a particular book and being stymied at every turn; he reads a page or two, exhales a frustrated breath, swaps books, tries again. His movements grow jerkier as the minutes wear on, until at last he slams a book shut with enough force that the candle wobbles on the table, and he lays his head down on top of it with a hoarse groan.

If he can't even do this properly anymore, how can he expect to keep his poker face in Cliffside?

Comments

[shepherddain]

Dain laughs softly. "Something like that."

This might turn into a proper conversation, instead of a simple passing of boats in the night. Dain is quiet for a moment, looking down at the cover of the book he's treated less than respectfully, and he pulls together enough composure to be fairly sure he won't give himself away. He is tired, he needs to remember that -- but there's no reason a Shepherd wouldn't be happy to have a discussion with a vicar.

"I'll stay here a little longer," he says, "if that's all right with you. But surely you need your sleep. Your mornings are always so busy."

[mysteriumtremendum]

The Shepherd's attention falls to the dull-looking book on the table in front of him, and Adhemar takes that opportunity to look up--up at the locked shelf of books that are so crucial to his work, and so damning in the wrong hands. A quick assessment of the lock reassures him that it hasn't been tampered with, which means the likelihood that Dain is trying to pull the wool over his eyes is low. Still, the impact to his own security, if he were to be incorrect, would be dramatic. He can't let his guard down.

Which means, of course, to continue behaving as normal, for there is no reason why the village vicar should not welcome conversation with a Shepherd.

"Please," he replies quietly, "make yourself comfortable. There are supplies for tea and coffee in the kitchen, which you may avail yourself of if you like." Then he pauses, deliberating over the wisdom of his next move, before he offers it anyway: "If you would prefer company or a listening ear, I can provide that for you." It's part of the job description.

[shepherddain]

Dain must be more tired than he thought, because he quite suddenly can't imagine what a true Shepherd's answer would be. Possibly it depends on the individual, whether a show of strength is deemed more important, or the quiet and guaranteed privacy of confidance made within the church's walls. But no matter how devout Adhemar is, a vicar would never keep confessions of even vague heresy private.

Still. Dain can't claim he's fine; he's already admitted he isn't.

"I'm not sure it would help," he admits carefully. "Something I thought would never change... is changing faster than I'd like." He pauses briefly, then: "It's a minor complaint, when compared to the trials many who live in this village endure. I'll adapt; I always have. Thank you, however, for the offer. Would you care for some tea to take to bed?"

[mysteriumtremendum]

"Something I thought would never change... is changing faster than I'd like."

Interesting. They are more alike than Adhemar could have expected. How unsettling.

"I thank you for the courtesy, but no," he answers with a subtle shake of his head and a thin smile. "While it aids my focus when writing homilies, I find it does little to help with falling asleep." He takes a step backwards and towards the door to the small library, intent on seeing himself out.

"If you change your mind, Brother Johannes--" about the listening ear, of course, "--you know where I can be found."

He could always use more leverage.

[shepherddain]

Dain smiles. "Of course. Thank you."

Where has Adhemar just been? Dain's not aware of any duties that might take a vicar outside the church so late at night, save perhaps for an unexpected death -- and if that is the case, then Adhemar is either impressively level in the aftermath, or far less talkative than other vicars Dain has known. It reminds Dain a little of himself and his own methods; if you're not specifically asked, then there's no reason to explain.

He won't ask. He never does, when he's not sure of the answer. It's safer for everyone.

Instead, Dain lets Adhemar leave without comment, looks down at the book -- sighs, and tries again. If at first you don't succeed...

👀

[mysteriumtremendum]

Where has Adhemar just been?