CLOSED | the light we cast creates a bridge

[matkalainen]

WHO: Tuo, Dain, Vervain, and an existential crisis or two
WHAT: Following directly on the heels of this thread, Vervain has to face some facts about himself. Tuo and Dain try to help.
WHEN: See above.
WHERE: Tuo's wagon outside the village walls.
NOTES: This is bound to be an emotionally Intense thread, but no immediate warnings yet. Will update as needed. Anyway want some appropriate mood music? edit: cw for suicidal ideation

In the weeks since Tuo's unfortunate encounter with the duke's soldiers, he has grown adept at picking his way through the village streets in such a way as to avoid their comings and goings completely. It is more difficult to do this with Vervain Gardener in tow, but not impossible, and so he takes each step carefully as he guides his friend away from the vicarage, through the street, and out towards where Tuo's wagon is tethered in the snow.

"Here we are," he says at last once they have arrived, and keeps hold of Vervain's arm as he leans up the steps to slip the key into the lock, twist it, and push the door open. "Careful," he says to his friend, "there are five steps," and provides the guidance necessary to help him indoors.

Vervain can't see the artful evidence of Tuo's heresy engraved onto the wall panels within the wagon, nor see the warmth and colour imbued to all surfaces of its interior. But it is warm from a wood burning stove, and smells of fragrant tea and spices, and most importantly, it is safe.

"Shall I take your cloak?" Tuo offers gently.

(From a perch further within the wagon, a magpie croaks in irritation that his nap has been interrupted.)
 

Comments

[matkalainen]

At Vervain's last request, Tuo visibly flinches as though struck, and reaches up a hand to cover his mouth. His eyes are very wide with horror, before he shakes his head and steps away from Dain's side.

"I shall do no such thing," he insists, his voice unsteady, "because if you insist on going, then I shall go with you. To make sure that you make it back down the mountain again, hale and whole."

This is a terrible idea.

[shepherddain]

"No one is going anywhere."

Dain, genuinely stern, is a sight he usually reserves for those who have presented him with no other option. The soldiers, for example. Certain colleagues back in Cliffside. But the turn this conversation has taken is startling enough, frightening enough, that it cuts right through any measured response he might have had. The church isn't going to kill anyone today, not if he has anything whatsoever to say about it.

He hesitates a moment, like he has to adjust to his own severity; but then he goes on. "I meant what I said before, Vervain." If, indeed, he ever did say it -- he can't quite remember. "I'm not here to kill you, and I won't let anyone else kill you either. Even if that means locking you in this wagon until you start to see sense. So help me, I will lock you both in here until the snow melts."

A pause. A breath. Dain steps over to sit down, and puts his hand over one of Vervain's. "There is no version of this world," he says, much more gently, "that is made better for the absence of you in it. You didn't become a priest to give up the moment you're faced with the flaws of humanity, and you cannot make yourself the sole exception."

[amaurosisfugax]

"Tuo, you can't--"

The anguish in Ver's voice is that of a soul stripped raw; he looks as if he'd start crying again when Dain's rebuke cuts him short. He catches his lower lip between his teeth against a sob, hearing only the tone of the Shepherd's voice at first and knowing, knowing he's done the wrong thing and only made it worse for himself...

Bewilderment replaces despair on his face as Dain's actual words begin to penetrate, his expression wonderful in its utter confusion. "Shepherd," he stammers, voice plaintive now, "I don't understand--I'm Profane, that's not a flaw, it's...it's, it's--this is the only way the gods can forgive me for it."

Right?

[matkalainen]

Dain intercedes, and Tuo presses his lips into a thin line, adopting silence. He is not surprised by Dain's words, or his tone--and mercifully, he doesn't argue. Instead he stands by quietly as Dain speaks to Vervain, his expression only softening when his young friend's anguish and confusion manifests itself in his expression, his voice.

(How is there anything of the gods, anything divine, in this kind of pointless torment?)

"The gods don't demand that you change who you are." He says the words with incredible gentleness, stepping forward to touch his friend's shoulder. "Only that you don't hurt anyone with your gifts. And you haven't hurt anyone, Vervain."